"The Confidence Paradox: Why Your Greatest Weakness Can Be Your Greatest Strength"
"I was 16 when I first discovered this paradox. Picture this: a teenager so terrified of
public speaking and performing that I would shaking in my boots when speaking or
performing in public. The irony? I continued to sign up for events and festivals, hoping
that familiarity with the stage would eventually be effective. Guess what, it didn’t. I had
incredible ideas, enthusiastic opinions, and ……
"But here's what changed everything. One day, an examiner pulled me aside and said
something that shattered my world: “Dawn, your nerves ruin your work. You should take
Valium before you get on stage. (just in case you don’t know what that is, it’s a drug to
calm you down!)”
"That moment launched a 40-year journey of discovery. First, as a student soaking up
anything I could find to help me develop my confidence. Secondly, as a teacher,
watching brilliant students sabotage their own success because they were afraid to
speak up. Then, as a coach, working with executives who built successful companies
but couldn't confidently talk about their own achievements."
"And what I discovered will change how you think about confidence forever."
Point 1: Confidence Isn't the Absence of Fear - It's Action Despite Fear
Here's the first truth: We've been lied to about confidence. Society tells us confident
people don't feel fear. That's complete nonsense.
I want you to imagine two people walking into a networking event. Person A strides in
with a big smile, immediately starts conversations, and appears completely at ease.
Person B hesitates at the door, takes a deep breath, and slowly approaches a group.
Who's more confident? If you said Person A, you're wrong. Person A might be an
extrovert who loves meeting people. Person B is the one showing true confidence -
they're terrified, but they're doing it anyway.
Research from Dr Amy Cuddy at Harvard shows that confidence isn't about feeling
fearless - it's about feeling worthy of taking up space despite your fears.
I want everyone to think of a time when you did something scary, and it went well. Not
when you felt confident - when you felt terrified but did it anyway. That's what real
confidence looks like.
My first keynote speech? I was shaking so badly was so glad to hide my shaking knees
behind the lectern. But I had something important to say. That speech was at a college
awards evening, and I wanted to ensure every wonderful student’s achievements were
fully and clearly celebrated. Fear didn't disqualify me from confidence - it qualified me
for growth.
Point 2: The Confidence Myth - Why "Fake It Till You Make It" Fails
"The second truth: 'Fake it till you make it' is toxic advice that keeps people stuck."
When we try to fake confidence, we're telling ourselves: 'Who you are right now isn't
good enough.' But here's what science shows us: authentic confidence comes from
self-acceptance, not self-deception.
I remember the first time I was given this advice. In the 19070s, we didn’t have Amazon
or online shopping; instead, we had catalogues – big books full of items we could
purchase. My friend had a Freeman’s catalogue – so cool! I ordered a new coat from
her and went to collect it. No problem so far.
The only problem was that I picked it up on a Saturday evening and missed meeting up
with my friends – we were going to the local club. I confided in my friend about my fear
of “going in alone,” and here’s the advice she gave me. Outside the door of the club,
take a deep breath, square your shoulders, put a smile on your face, and then walk in.
You’re bound to bump into someone you know right away.
So guess what I did?
Yep, followed her advice to the letter and it all worked out!
But it doesn’t always work like that.
I once worked with a brilliant HR Manager named Lucy. For months, she tried to 'fake'
confidence in meetings - speaking louder, using more assertive language, copying her
confident colleagues. It was exhausting and felt completely fake and less confident as a
result.
It was time to try something different. Instead of pretending to be confident, we focused
on her genuine expertise. She started sharing her technical insights quietly but clearly.
No performance, no pretence - just authentic knowledge.
Six months later, she was promoted to an International Human Resources Manager. Not
because she learned to fake confidence, but because she learned to trust her real
value.
"Dr Brené Brown's research on vulnerability shows that authentic confidence comes
from owning our story - including our struggles. When we try to fake confidence, we
disconnect from our authentic selves."
Right now, think of something you're genuinely good at. Not something you fake being
good at - something you actually know well. Notice how different that feels in your body
compared to when you're pretending.
That feeling? That's certainty, you know you can do it. It's quiet, it's real, and it's
incredibly powerful.
Point 3: Your Insecurities Are Your Competitive Advantage
Here's the third and most important truth: Your insecurities aren't obstacles to
overcome - they're advantages to embrace.
I know this sounds crazy but hear me out. The things that make you feel insecure often
make you uniquely valuable.
My fear of public speaking and performance made me hyper-aware of audience needs. I
over-prepare, I check for understanding, I create safe spaces for others to share. My
'weakness' became my strength as a speaker.
Let me introduce you to Susan, a skilled barrister who was insecure about her accent.
She was born in the UK, in Liverpool, and when she worked with her colleagues on
cases, she felt that her Liverpool accent made her sound less qualified than others with
more neutral accents. You may feel that your accent is a barrier to developing
confidence in English, but you can see that Susan felt the same way. But here's what
we discovered: her accent represented something incredible – her accent made her
more approachable to those clients who were worried about working with her, rather
than her posher-sounding colleagues.
When she stopped apologising for her accent and started owning her story, everything
changed. Her empathy and expertise, underpinned by her accent, became her
competitive advantage.
Psychologist Dr Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset shows that our perceived
weaknesses often indicate areas where we have the most room for extraordinary
growth."
I want you to think of your biggest insecurity about communication in English. It could
be your accent, your grammar or lack of vocabulary. Now ask yourself: What strength
might this represent? If you're afraid of saying the wrong thing, you might be naturally
thoughtful. If you're afraid of taking up too much space, you might be naturally
considerate.
Your insecurities aren't bugs in your system - they're features waiting to be appreciated.
So here's what I want you to do. Right now, I want you to write down three things:
First: One fear you've been avoiding that's actually holding back your growth.
Second: One authentic strength you've been undervaluing.
Third: One small action you can take tomorrow to honour both your fear and your
strength.
Because here's the truth: The world doesn't need you to be fearless. The world needs
you to be brave. The world doesn't need you to be perfect. The world needs you to be
real.
"Your voice matters. Your perspective is valuable. Your experience - including your
struggles - is exactly what someone needs to hear."
Remember my 16-year-old self, legs shaking every time she got on stage? " She’s now a
speaker, coach, and author.
Not because she stopped being afraid. But because she realised her fear was just her
passion in disguise, and there were tactics she could use to show up for herself.
Your confidence isn't hiding somewhere waiting to be found. It's right here, right now, in
your willingness to grow despite your fears.
The question isn't whether you're confident enough to change your world. The question
is: Is your world ready for what you have to offer? It is. The real question is: Are you ready to find out?
I'll ask again, are you ready to find out?
Book a call and let's see how your world can become closer
By dawn
•
July 7, 2026
Are You Speaking Their Language?
By Dawn
•
January 30, 2023
Top tips to help you manage your meetings!
By dawn
•
January 17, 2023
Who here loves networking? I have some hacks to make you more successful! I just love networking, having great conversation, fun and making connections. However I wasn’t always successful at building my network. I learned through trial and error how to make the most of my networking investment. Here are 3 hacks that can help you too! 1. Make sure you arrive a little early so you can start those lovely conversations over that cup of teas or coffee. 2. Create an intention of what you wish to achieve for your networking that day/week/month. For example you may wish to get some fresh ideas on marketing your business. Create an intention in the form of an affirmation and repeat – you’ll be surprised at how that focus produces results. 3. Prepare and practice your 30/60 second pitch – knowing what you are going to say and practicing it gives you such confidence. Want a fact sheet for creating a perfect 60 second pitch? DM me and I’ll share a process my clients have found so very useful for creating successful pitches! I will be running a “Speak Easy Networking Workshop” in February. Who wants to get more successful at networking in 2023 – watch this space or DM me for further details.
By Dawn
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January 16, 2023
I remember when I first started networking to promote my business and how little I knew about the whole process. You see, a business mentor said to me “Dawn, you’re chatty and outgoing, networking is probably the best way to get out there”! So, I took these words to heart and started investigating just where I could go. Note to self at this point, I was so focused on where, I totally disregarded d why and HOW! I was exceptionally lucky and found a local networking group who were welcoming, warm and approachable. Importantly, they were focused on connection and education – how lucky for me! Feeling I had got the hang of this networking malarkey, I ventured further to other groups which, while friendly, we really very focused on selling to the room. Now everyone works differently but this feel uncomfortable to me – this was a room of total strangers so why would they want to buy from me and why would I want them to invest in my programmes? Luckily, not all groups or fellow “networkees” were like that so I learned some important lessons about networking and myself! I realized that the most important element of networking was to, yes, you’ve got it, to grow my network. These are colleagues that can help me with business challenges; that I can refer business to as I know in detail what they provide and how they do it. Importantly, they have developed a relationship with me and also know what my services are and how I deliver them which makes it easier for them to refer people to me. So, what are the top three tips for success I promised you? 1. Research groups thoroughly before committing to one – most groups allow you to visit twice before making a decision to join – take advantage of that and checkout if the vibe in the room suits you. 2. Prepare to listen as well as speak. Ensure you can give a brief overview of what you do and who your work benefits so whoever you speak to gets it. 3. Breathe, relax and go with an open mind – you never know who you might meet that can help you. You may be disappointed that I haven’t given you tips about the dreaded 60 seconds – that will come in another post! If you would like to have a chat about your networking journey, DM below and let’s open the conversation! Dawn Gregory from The Confident Speaker, helping you communicate with confidence, clarity, grace and purpose.
By dawn
•
March 19, 2021
So, you’ve been asked to speak at an event. Where do I start, I hear you ask? How do I know if I'm speaking their (your audience) language? Top Tip - Do your research!!: WHO, Research your audience. Is their age/gender/ability/disability going to affect what and/or how you deliver your message? Are they a new audience for you or are they already raving fans? Depending on whether they are newbies or fans may encourage you to speak about different topics or maybe the same topics in different ways. Think about what it is about your story/business/topic that will interest them. Remember with newbies, you will want a gentle touch to encourage them to follow you and want more. With your raving fans you want to continue to give them value, however, you probably want to go deeper as they already know and love your message. Dig down, find out what your audience want and need and, then, talk about that. This also might include you doing some extra research around your topic – all this work will enhance your confidence. WHERE. Research your location. Is it a hall? Big? Small? Will you need a microphone? Will there be a data projector for your PowerPoint if you need it? If it’s Zoom, YouTube or a Facebook live, what lighting do you need? Microphone? Will you use your mobile/cell phone, desktop or laptop? Does the technology work? Once you have checked all this out, it relieves some of the stress around the unknown, because, guess what, YOU KNOW! You know who your audience is, what they want, where you are speaking and are prepared for whatever technological issues you may face. Like to get some help on all or any of these issues, then let's jump on a call! You can book a no-cost, 45 minute chat here: https://calendly.com/dawn-gregory/45-minute-one-to-one Remember you don't know who needs you and your story right now!
By Dawn Gregory
•
February 2, 2021
February 2021! How did that happen? Am I the only person who found themselves in February without January taking a breath? And somewhere along the way, Clubhouse emerged in my consciousness. I heard about it on the grapevine, then received an invitation from a friend and signed up. Then what? Well I don't really know what I'm going to do with my access to this new, bright world full of chat and opinion. This has made me examine what my relationship with social media has been, both for me and my business. Do I really want to engage with a new platform? To help me answer that question, I thought I would do a little research to see if the "experts" could help me make a decision. So here is a brief synopsis of what I discovered: Personalisation is paramount; Video content will dominate in 2021; Stories need to be short and engaging. There we are! My take on all of that is, when engaging on social medial, we need to be led by telling stories that our audience can relate to. These stories may or may not be your own personal experience, but in retelling them, you make them personal to all of us. Remember when you're talking or writing about a topic that is dear to your heart, try to make it easy for the person reading or listening to come on the journey with you. Your big WHY has led you to this point in your business' story. Now help your audience to connect with you and feel your passion. When I work with my clients on developing their message I always ask them to think about why this message is important enough to write or speak about. We then focus on the nitty gritty of what is going into the message and how their audience might use the information. The next time you're thinking about writing or speaking about your passion, why not try that out and see how it works for you? Going back to social media and what to do with it.? I've decided to stick with developing my existing platforms of Facebook and LinkedIn, but I will monitor what is happening with Clubhouse just in case it might turn out to be a positive platform for myself and my business. What will you do? Want to find out more about how I can help you develop your message so you can communicate with clarity and confidence? Drop me a message or connect with me on LinkedIn. To your success! Dawn
By dawn
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January 4, 2021
I totally understand how attending a networking meeting to make new contacts, gain exposure for your business and build your network can be a little daunting. You may feel it’s not for you and there must be an easier way to get known, liked and trusted by your potential clients. Here are three top tips to help you. 1. Research as much as you can about the networking event you plan to attend. At the moment most (if not all) networking is conducted online using Zoom or a similar platform. However not all online networking meetings provide a positive experience. At he very least you should try and work out what happens in the hour or two of your time that you're dedicating to this. How many people are likely to attend? Will there be break out rooms so you can get a more personal experience with some of the other people there? Will the host circulate details of who attended so you can follow up? 2. Prepare what you want to talk about. Yes, your 60 second is important. Think about some of these points - what do I do? who do I do it for? What results do they get? Keep it snappy - you will have an opportunity to talk about this more either in breakout rooms or with any follow up calls you do. It's a good idea to practice this beforehand so you are nor reading it on the day. Your fellow networkers want to see your face, not the top of your head when they listen to you! 3. Relax and smile!! These events are an opportunity to build your personal network and meet interesting people. Ultimately the old adage, people buy from people remains true. This is the start of your relationship with some of these new people - being relaxed and smiling makes us much more likely to want to engage with you further. Remember, breathe and smile. I hope you've found this useful. If you would like to know more you can either contact me on dawn@dawngregory.co.uk or check out my complimentary course on Eventbrite: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/get-the-best-out-of-your-networking-opportunities-tickets Why not put my top tips into practice and let me know how you get on!
By dawn
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March 19, 2020
Who else thinks they lack confidence at times? Well I guess we’re all guilty of that from time to time especially as we take on new challenges. We worry – am I doing this RIGHT? Is so-and-so better than me? Do you remember when you first started brushing your teeth? I certainly can’t but I’m pretty proficient at it now. I guess that’s what comes with routine and practice. So, the next time we learn something new or take on a new challenge, just remember it may take a bit of practice, rinse and repeat to build our confidence. What are you confident and competent at doing now that seemed really tricky before? For me it’s ice skating, although whether I’m actually competent is debatable still. The same has to be said for anything we do that is new and maybe a little scary for us. Maybe it's developing a new product or service for your business. Maybe it's taking up a new sport. Maybe it's deciding to get serious about having some fun with speaking!! Whether it's live streaming, recording your content or speaking in public, it can be a very scary thought. So let's reframe this a little. You took time and practice to get good at brushing your teeth, so by extension you need to spend time finding good techniques and practising them to get good and confident about your speaking. Now you could spend lots of time researching and swallowing lots of YouTube clips to help you and, guess what, if you put the work in, that will help. Or, you could cut out all that time and effort and spend it instead with someone like me. I can take you on a journey to discover your voice, dismiss your anxiety and help you become the compelling, persausive and confident speaker you'd like to be. So what are you waiting for? Email me to arrange a 30 minute clarity call. Let's get you speaking out on any platform, in any meeting or any boardroom today!!
By Dawn Gregory
•
October 1, 2019
Mark Twain once said " There are two kinds of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars." That’s so true. So if you’ve been asked to give a presentation even if you feel excited, confident, inspired, and can’t wait to get going, you’re likely to feel a little nervous. On the other hand, you feel stressed, anxious, sick, overwhelmed, and maybe weak at the knees at the thought of it. These tips may help you to reflect on what you already do well or what you may need to do to get better. I have a little mantra that I follow when preparing for a presentation: Remember the 3 Rs! • Research: if you have researched the group you are delivering the talk to then you will be confident that you are pitching your presentation at the right level. If you have researched the topic you are speaking about fully, then it gives you the confidence to know you can handle questions fro the floor, • Rehearse: I can’t emphasise enough how important this step is (either with a kind friend or in front of your mirror). With rehearsal you can, 1: get your timing correct – invaluable if you are one of a groups of speakers; 2: see how your talk flows particularly if you have slides that are going with it. On that note I can’t be the only person who embarrassingly has glitches with PowerPoint! 3: You hear the words yourself so you can make any adjustments if it doesn’t sound quite right. • Relax: remember you have been asked to talk, so your audience are interested to hear what you have to say. Before you get up on stage take some calming breaths, relax your shoulders. You can easily go to the loo just before and whilst your there, this is an easy breathing exercise to do. Breathe in-hold for a count of 3; breathe out – hold for a count of 3; then repeat. Give it a go! Do you feel that you need further guidance and support to diminish those presentation fears? Help is at hand. No matter whom you are speaking to or where you are speaking, I can help you develop the confidence and tools to express yourself beautifully. Help is at hand in this free download, "Advice from a Nervous Speaker".
By Gill Fountain
•
August 7, 2019
Join Dawn Gregory and Jan Jack for a day of fun at Stand Up, Reach Out, Have Fun
